Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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