Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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