Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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