Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
