dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
