I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
