My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
