So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
