I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
