I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
