Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
