so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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