Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
