Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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