Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
