My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
