I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
