i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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