Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
