Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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