she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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