Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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