I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
