I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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