Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
