It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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