Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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