I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
