If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
