dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
