Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
