do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
