New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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