bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
