I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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