my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
