just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
