I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
