I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
