It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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