oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Green mimosas i think yes
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
