6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
