and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
