i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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