you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
