my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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