The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
