Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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