thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
