There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
