Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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